Humour & Likes

My work takes me to a lot of places..both in India and abroad. Over time I have come across very humourous situations, incidents and places. I also came across some nice experiences.

I am not writing in chronological order , but here are some of the rare gems:

In September, this year, I went to Shanghai. That was my first visit to the city, although I had been to China at least 20 times before this. I stayed in one of the Holiday Inns ( They have two there). Believe it or not they have a special Assistant manager for Indian guests. In this case a lovely young woman from India. She was full of enthusiasm and I would say that she is rightly suited for the job. Well so much for writing nice things about nice people. I was there for an exhibition and I had hired an interpreter, her name was Toya ( no it was not Zoya). She is a mongol ( from inner Mongolia) and she confirmed that Mongolians still live the way, we read in geography books. Shanghai is not only known for its Maglev( the fastest commercialised Magnetic Elevation train) and Pearl Tower  the tallest TV tower) and charm of East and West mix...it is also known for high quality fakes. ;-) . The current place to buy them is Qi Po Street ( Chi-Po Street)...is it not similar to saying Cheap-o street! ? Well I went there...once with an European Friend of mine, who on clear instructions of his wife ( see, how common is the plight of we poor husbands) went on shopping of fakes. ( Forgive me, my friend, if you happen to read this..for spilling the beans). They had almost any brand you could think of from Mont Blanc pents to Lui Vuitton bags to Armani shirts....even some 'not-to-be-mentioned' things. All for about US$ 300 my friend had bought a 'Samsonite' bag and filled it with clothes, shoes and what nots..all brands. I would think that the total 'actual' value of the buy would be US$ 20000. Phew! Tempted by this, I went there next day and bought myself some shirts ( no I will not tell you the brands, lest you sneer at me while you see me wearing even the real thing!) . Well, those shirts are to give away...( standard one line excuse for anyone who buys fakes).

A long time ago, I went to a city in North-Eastern China called Datong. It was winter and temperature was -22 degrees centigrade ( 22 below zero).  That too absolutely dry weather. For a Calcutta born where Plus 16 brings out the heavy woolens, imagine my position. However, for a tee-totaller I did well. The Export manager of the company I was visiting told me that there is an Indian working in a pharmaceutical company. This guy, I was told is a certain Mr. Joel ( Jo -EL ). My mental image was of a Keralite Christian. As I knew a couple of Joels from Kerala. First we talked over phone and this guy spoke very good and un accented Hindi ( by large the South Indians speak accented Hindi, however there are a large number of exceptions to this and I stand witness to the exceptions. One of my Telegu Friend working as a Hindi copywriter in a big ad agency is one example). This guy invited me for a tour of the plant. When I reached there, I found that this guy was Dr. Goel( GO -El). Obviously a north Indian. I asked him about his roots and I found that he was from a part of Punjab that my ancestors came from..on probing further..it was from the same area. So technically his ancestors had to be working for my ancestors, since my ancestors owned that place. Talk of a small World!

I was in Guangzhou, my first visit to China about 10 years ago. Although I am omnivorous( ( i could eat all cuisines..not all food!)..after 7 odd days of eating authentic Chinese fare, i wanted to eat something more familiar. At about 11 pm  went down ( from my room, which was on 18th floor) to 3rd floor which had a "Wastern Restorant" . Well, with nerve of steel, I went into the restaurant, which at that time was on closing time, hence their staff had largely left.  I thought maybe, I could get some cake to eat ( have my cake and eat it too!). I tried to ask for a cake..unfortunately I could not get the message across. All I got a response was " Now close, come again". After 5 minutes of trying all my accents on them, I had a brainwave..I sang the tune of " Happy birthday to you"..then blew imaginary candles and then cut the imaginary cake with an equally imaginary knife. Presto! They understood! They laughed and asked..room number...I told them . They asked me to wait in my room by telling me " Go up, we send". Fifteen minutes went by and then there was a knock on my door. I opened the door ..to find 7-8 of the staff with a cake on which they had lit a candle and singing the Chinese version of " Happy Birthday to you". Can't tell you guys how embarrassed I was. As I was a good 9 months away from my next birthday.

Then at a trip to Beijing ( that was my 2nd trip to China), one fine morning I woke up quite early ( 5 AM) and decided to be brave and  have some breakfast out of the hotel, I was staying in. I had walked a bit when I came across a small restaurant with some early morning clients.  walked into the same and asked for dumplings ( of course they did not understand). Then , a thought crossed my mind what if they serve beef( which as a Hindu, i would not take). Then I gesticulated with my fingers on head ( as horn) and mooing ( I was a good bull!!). Then crossing my fingers in air, trying to explain that I will not eat beef. They nodded understanding! Good progress! Then I ventured further..making quak-quak sound of a duck...that too they understood! Good lord..I was getting better and better! Then I pointed to another person who was eating his dumpling. They understood and gave me duck dumpling. Now, at that time I could not use chop-stick at all, so i asked for a fork and a knife...I did not get a fork ( which they did not have), instead i got a soup spoon and a knife which was not the cutlery variety, rather it was a cutting knife. I managed to eat with 7-8 Chinese laughing at my expense..( that day I understood how a monkey in a cage feels, when we laugh at its antics in Zoo). Anyways, I wanted to have some tea ( now, don't laugh at me, every Indian has the right to have his cup of tea, after all India is the largest producer of tea). Since at that time, I was not sure about the good effects of Chinese tea, i wanted the regular English type. This time i gesticulated with my finger on head and mooing ( a softer variety to emphasize that this time it was a cow) and then milking the imaginary udders of the bovine variety. Then dipping the imaginary tea bag in hot water and adding milk ( imaginary of course)...I got my tea! Fruits of labour tastes good..i must say!

I will write more on HongKong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and Europe travels the next time.